FLOWING to Wellbeing: (Part 5)

I for Integration

In the FLOWING Recovery model described in Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss, the final three letters - ING - refer to active efforts and processes for maintenance of our survivorship. It might be argued that the I in the model which stands for Integration is the most important element.  Instead of taking a “get over it” approach to recovery, effective integration efforts require consistent, supported engagement on a neuro-physical level, within an extensive series of interactions, to bring the process to fruition.  While this description may sound complicated, the process of integration is ongoing at a subconscious level, and can be furthered by self-awareness with positive intentions.  In simple terms, integration is a journey of self-discovery.

The word integration is defined as a process of combining one thing with another to make a (new) whole, e.g., Integrative Medicine purports to add holistic elements to standard western medical practices.  However, when the term relates to healing at the level of our nervous system it is less about adding something, and more a matter of removing/releasing that which blocks access to best functioning.  When we FLOW (Feel, Listen, Open to and Witness), developmental effects and distorted perceptions that result from traumatic events can be engaged with and released, allowing us to experience a new sense of self.  Into that newly opened space, we can expand and update life lessons and engage in repair, by direct participation in the naturally occurring processes of integration. Once the toxic secrets are out, the present moment can be attended to and considered as it is – no longer being filtered through past associations with negative meanings and influences.  

Our mindbodies are always seeking their own repair, and it is from a sense of being neglected or underserved (according to our nervous system’s preset/default mode) that symptoms of unbalance arise and are, all too often, reinforced by our interactions with family and society.  Negative implications are especially likely to influence our self-perceptions, as they tend to have the stronger “survival based” filters.  It is at the level of those negative understandings that the golden key to recovery is found.

Integration is both the umbrella for, and the outcome of, all mindbody recovery efforts; it is the essence of secure attachment.  Dr. Dan Siegel points to the match between attachment theory’s “secure” status and the outcome of mindfulness-based integration (Mindsight, 2009).  In childhood, responsive caretaking, family resources (education, nutrition, emotional availability) and environmental safety are the building blocks of secure attachment, but in the absence or disruption of these - most meaningfully those supporting emotional regulation within our closest developmental relationships - our attachment status will suffer significant damage.

Advancements in brain imaging have contributed greatly to an understanding that despite such developmental disruptions, the nervous system stays amenable to repair across the lifespan.  In addition, energy directed toward change can improve its likelihood.  As we attend to internally held meanings, we can locate physical and emotional markers of imbalance and reactivity, allowing for more focused exploration and expression of previously blocked receptors.  For example, the memory of a time of loss, when attended to, can offer validation and context (past vs. present) to compassionately heal and release those exiled emotions that initially established the blockage.  Those pockets of exiled energy exist in all of us, having been based upon the availability of emotional /physical/relational resources at the time of the disruption (loss or trauma).  These complex exiles tend to exist in a sort of time warp of un-integrated, often child based energy.

Working with the FLOWING model, multiple levels and areas of awareness and expression can be addressed over time.  Attending to body energies and thought processes that we so often ignore or dismiss for fear of the emotions that may be carried there, can offer us ongoing access to integration.  Each element of the FLOWING model holds its own inherent integrative properties and opportunities.  When we FEEL we connect meaningfully with muscles, bones, circulation, as well as the nervous system and the emotional cues held within, down to the cellular level.  The implications of this practical focus extend even to genetics and internally held attachment effects.  LISTENING mindfully engages our attention on a level of symbols (images) and meanings to direct access to our own heart-felt truths, some of which were in “cold storage” awaiting such an opportunity for release.  Emotional access does not simply emerge casually at the earliest efforts to engage after long, hard experience at protective withholding - often under heavy guard.  The road to our heart-truths often winds through dark places, requiring great courage and patience.  Maintaining an OPEN receptivity to knowing about the pain and loss suffered along the way and releasing them, once WITNESSED, is the essence of engagement in INTEGRATION as a life-long practice.

In support of integration-as-practice, the elements of the FLOWING model each suggest creative expression of mindbody experiences as release, and as resource.  Attention to the microlevel of our own sense of “safety vs. harm” (as determined by the nervous system), along with deliberate efforts to connect with and express those events/objects/images, will help us to sustain integration on a regular and flowing basis.  From this point, we become more able to NURTURE our practice through routines, rituals, and celebrations. Further, we can expand them to include compassionate engagement with others, through a process known as GENERATIVITY.  These N and G elements the model bring recovery from a mere survival struggle, to fully expressed, continually renewed, integration, as will be explored in the next two essays within the FLOWING to Wellness series.

Ellen C. Ranney, PhD. Is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice. She specializes in work with trauma survivors and their families.  Dr. Ranney is the author of Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss, (c)2016, available at www.unkindgifts.com.

FLOWING to Well-Being: L- Listen

The recovery model developed in the book, Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss is represented by an acronym that spells out the word FLOWING.  Last time we considered the letter F for feel, so this entry will focus on the letter L for listen.  We might think that listening is merely a function of our ears, but in this case, the effort is more about our internal awareness and has to do with engaging and receiving meaning from any of a variety of sources.

The best approach to internal listening is found in the practice of mindfulness.  By settling into a calm, undistracted state we find opportunity to truly engage with the meanings and memories that tend to flit through our minds in seemingly random ways most of the time.  During mindfulness practice, rather than grasping onto or fighting to push away those emotions and sensations, we create the space to be with our experiences. From our starting place of feeling what happens with our bodies and our emotion states, we can gently hold those physical/emotional cues with curiosity to discover deeper meanings learned within the stories held there.  For instance, we may have a general sense that a childhood classmate was a bully, and we did not enjoy being around them, but if we can engage with the tightness in our gut that arises when we think about running into that person at the school reunion, and take the time to learn more about it we may be quite surprised.

The sort of listening that is suggested in the model can take any one of several forms; we might SIFT through the information available by attending to sensations, images, feelings and thoughts to discover deeper elements of meaning.  In reference to the bullying example above, the tightness in the gut might remind us of the empty feeling when our lunch money was taken, or an image of the teacher’s angry face at the missing homework assignment due to it having been dropped in a puddle when the bully dumped our backpack.  As we take in whatever initial signals arrive in response to our curiosity and engagement with the internal part to whom we are listening, we might get further information about the deep sense of vulnerability we had when we needed to take the long route to the schoolyard to avoid getting caught by the tormentor, and perhaps that it represented only one small part of the struggles going on in our life at that point.  These contextual elements of the otherwise isolated seeming loss can lead to understanding and even to the creation of connections between the neurons in our brains and bodies.  Those multiple connection points will allow experiences of loss to become absorbed and integrated, rather than remaining disconnected and pulling energy away from more balanced functioning.

The advantages of a mindfulness practice are more than just clarifying the context and meanings within old hurts.  Such practices also help to build resources for coping with past, as well as with future disruptions to our sense of safety and well-being.  Regular mindfulness practice has been found to decrease anxiety and depression, to raise the level of baseline happiness, and to improve pain management.  We so often find ourselves on a treadmill of endless tasks to be completed, and comparing ourselves to others in unflattering ways.  Mindfulness practices can take many forms but virtually always involves stepping back from those pressures to learn to tolerate discomfort, and to appreciate what we have in the moment.  Generally, there is a focus on breathing as the object of meditation, which offers increased oxygenation to the body and slows the heartbeat to a more natural rhythm.  These physical changes decrease stress levels and reset the baseline to a more receptive state.

As we listen to the deeply held burdens of our experiences of loss, we may develop a better understanding of the complexities of our lives, and be in a position to offer ourselves compassion and soothing.  Those attitudes go far toward healing the disruptions and self-doubts that may have been carried from those early days.  Our perceiving adult, Self can offer a supportive response to victimized or traumatized child parts, effectively encouraging them to release and become more in tune with present day life.  This attitude shift may bring a whole new level of energy and competence to our adult functioning, and even extend to a new sense of compassion for others. We might even begin to grasp the pain that was indicated in that schoolyard bully’s behaviors, and to see that they were only acting-out the confusion and pain of their own situation.  Perhaps we’ll even find ourselves anticipating seeing our former nemesis again at the reunion in the hope that they, too, have found a peaceful resolution to their struggles. This kind of open-hearted response can arise from listening to our own deeply held meanings, and will be the subject of the next entry in this series of essays on FLOWING to Well-being.

Branching Out

 This blog is part of an effort toward collecting my thoughts and experiences of trauma in a book for general readership.  At times I struggle to stay on track with the project, life gets in the way, but if I criticize myself for not doing enough or moving fast enough, I will have defeated my purpose.  Instead, I remind myself that the book is an ongoing process that will reach its completion at the right time, if I don't get in my own way.

The book seems to come together in tree form, like the "Grandfather Tree" that embraces the window of my study.  Branches of meaning come together at a central core, while all around the edges are leaflets of ideas; snippets of life clustering around connective twigs of story.  It is a network of personal and interpersonal energies moving in many directions through space and time.  My Self in connection with the Universe; the Spirit of harmony; the FLOW.

The trick is to allow myself to tolerate vulnerability - to trust - after all of the hard knocks of life in the real world of relationships and obligations.  To trust my Self, I must find ways to practice mindful awareness in the day to day.  It is essential to relationships, to my immune system, to my bio-social-emotional wellbeing, that I engage in connection, rather than dwell in the stress of task completion, interspersed with withdrawal and escape tactics.  In order to move through our part of the "network" effectively, we must open channels for energies to FLOW through, and find release.  Willingness to be open, to be mindful without judgement, to avoid imposing meanings; willingness to merely observe, with compassion, our own actions, and those of others; that is the Buddhist concept of Zen with with we can counterbalance the hectic, daily distractions and details of our lives in "Real-Time."

Look to the trees for inspiration (literally "to breathe in").  As energy flows from earth and sky, they take it in, and maintain flexibility.  Trees flourish in good times and stand strong amidst storms.  They endure, participating in the cycle of life without trying to grab control of their environment.  Giving breath and taking nourishment from their interconnection with the living things around them, creating new growth from decay, transforming that which enters their field.  They remain rooted in the earth until their time on earth is complete, yet even then, they contribute to the warmth, the shelter, the comfort of others, even the pages on which my book will eventually be printed is a gift of the trees; Inspiring.

Transforming Trauma with Mindfulness

The summer heatwave finally broke, and even though it is still early August there is a whisper of autumn in the air.  Perhaps that explains the increased intensity of the work being done at my office, stlcounselors.com.  Several clients are working at a pace and depth seldom encountered before; tuning into deep hurt and transforming the meanings into motivation for a better future.

As witness and coach to such transformation, I am in a place of privilege.  The courage and conviction it takes to face one's pain and take on recovery is  inspiring.  Recovery takes energy and creates momentum like a powerful undertow in the ocean, and as such can take one to unexpected places.  Being present for such work requires that I navigate carefully to avoid being thrown off my own course. Some unknown territories might be encountered, the sort that mapmakers of old would label, "Here There be Dragons."

Caregivers cannot help but be affected by exposure to the suffering of others.  Trauma therapy demands attention to self-as-therapist to avoid letting personal issues impact the client's recovery process, and also to avoid becoming traumatized oneself (secondary trauma).  The same is true for any support person who cares for a family member or patient, whether at home, or at a facility; self-care is crucial to maintaining the ability to continue to work effectively.  If not, the chances of burnout, or breakdown of emotional and physical resources, is high.  For the sake of patient and provider, self-awareness and self-care are crucial to successful recovery and care-giving over the long haul.

Mindfulness practices are increasingly recognized as the most effective way to attend to well-being.  Though it seems simple, setting aside time to be quiet and focus inward is the perfect counterbalance to the hectic external focus of care-giving.  Attention to breathing allows the heart and mind to calm; creates mental space where priorities shift and resources emerge; releases one from demands and pressures of service to spend a moment in peace and gratitude.  It fills the well, so there will be more available when resources start to run dry.

There are as many ways to practice mindfulness as there are creative minds, but breath awareness is essential to every practice.  Sensory attention can offer easy access, one sense at a time; listening to your environment without holding onto, or thinking beyond, what is heard; or feeling the textures and temperature of air to skin, skin to cloth, nerves to tissue.  For some people it is helpful to label the object of awareness, then let it go until another thought, sound or sense arises.  By doing so, we can step back from familiar ways of thinking and routine behaviors, to open up to new possibilities.

Trauma is defined by avoidance of recurrent, intrusive thoughts and actions.  Mindfulness is a practice of attention and letting go, thus it is the perfect counterbalance to trauma.  More than that, mindfulness changes biological and brain based patterns that have negative implications for healthy functioning.  It allows us to stop swimming frantically against the current, instead finding ways to access existing energies toward positive change.

Perhaps, through mindful practice, we will discover those "dragons" are actually more like dolphins that aid our efforts to safely reach new lands of strength and serenity.  For survivors and caregivers alike,  it may be is time to redraw the old maps.

Finding F.L.O.W.

 It rained yesterday, after months of parching, dusty dry days, the likes of which this river-crossed state has never seen.  Soft gentle rain fell throughout the morning hours, giving the scorched earth a much needed respite.  No doubt, the trees will show a wide dark ring of mean season beneath their bark; a lasting imprint of nature's sometimes cruelty.  Yet the trees have been offered opportunity for recovery, a chance to drink in nourishment enough to sustain them until cooler, wetter days return.

The dark rings of trauma might be seen beneath the skin of many of us.  Once suffered, trauma will never be undone.  It might be tempting to allow those dark scars to define our future, expecting (like the pessimists of the first blog entry) that to hope for better, might borrow trouble.  To give in to this temptation, is to choose a narrow path through life, one that isolates in the name of "safety."  There is another path, that like the healing rainfall, offers recovery in the water's flow.

Dan Siegel drdansiegel.com, proposes a simple model of health; a river flowing between two banks, with one side being characterized by chaos, and the other by rigidity. The point of this illustration is that ill health (mental, physical and spiritual) is generally made up of symptoms that fall to one "river-bank" or the other.  Think "Anxiety" (chaos) vs. "Depression" (rigidity); or, in the language of post-trauma diagnoses, "Intrusion" (chaotic reminders of  helplessness and overwhelming terror) vs. "Numbing" (rigid blocking of emotional and physical sensations).  So it follows that health is more a keeping to the middle part of the river, staying in the flow, so to speak.  A simple, but effective, conceptual model of recovery.

I love to be near water.  It soothes my spirit to listen to burbling, splashing, even crashing sounds of water in its many forms. The idea of flowing waters accompanied my meditations during preparation for childbirth, and soothed the fatigue and nausea of chemotherapy.  Perhaps it is not coincidental that I was born under a water sign of the zodiac.  Or maybe it is a universal experience to find healing in water; as human beings, water makes up over 97% of our bodies; we can survive for days without food, but not without water.  Whatever the reason, I became curious about the effects of the experience of, even the sound of the word, FLOW.  Contemplation of the word led me to an appreciation of its use as an acronym for recovery practices.  The particulars are common ideas, but the acronym is of my own making, so I will claim authorship, with credit due to my training in Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS),  selfleadership.org, and its developer, Dick Schwartz.

F.L.O.W. refers to mindful attention to unconscious processes via physical and emotional signals.  Instead of pushing past a stiff neck or headache, or the tightness in your gut, take a few moments to sit with that signal from your body.  In other words find and feel its presence. Consider that it holds a message about something you may benefit from attending to, and take the time to listen and learn from it.  In the spirit of all meditative practices, it is essential to avoid making judgments about the body parts or the ideas that may be present in that moment of awareness, so be open to whatever thoughts, images or feelings arise.  It is only by such non-judgmental attention that you can act as a witness to your own story of loss or of hope, and thereby understand the meanings, and inform the intentions, that will carry you forward into recovery and personal development.


Find, Listen, and Openly Witness: FLOW.


Taking the concept of FLOW further, it becomes a powerful tool to support healthy functioning in many realms.  If we are blocked in mind or body - for example plaque in the coronary arteries, or floundering in a state of grief - there are consequences to those blockages (e.g., heart attack, depression, relationship disruptions...).  If instead we actively attend to signals of blockage, we can support movement of whatever the source may be, and get things flowing again.  This doesn't imply that we have control over what happens to us in life, only that we have opportunities in our approach to how we manage those challenges.

Flow can be seen throughout bodily systems: circulatory, respiratory, lymphatic, digestive, hormonal..., and in the range of human emotions available to experience.  Nature is always in a process of flowing; rivers and tides; wind currents; seasons; planetary orbits; and in cycles of life and death.  Seasons change, trees grow, droughts occur, and healing rains arrive, so take a tip from mother nature and go with the flow.