FLOWING to Wellbeing –  (part 6)

N for Nurture

Have you ever noticed times of illness arising just as a stressful period reaches its conclusion; the annoying cold or strained muscle that lingers through your well-earned vacation?  As old energy blocks move through our lives and our bodies, a sort of systemic detox can emerge at physical emotional and inter/intrapersonal levels, across the lifespan. Knowing as we do that recovery from trauma is tied directly to the nervous system via attachment processes in primary relationships, it should not be a surprise that NURTURE is a central component of the FLOWING model of recovery.  The meaning of nurture is to participate in providing the means of furthering one-another’s continued growth. In terms of mental health, nurturing is a process of consolidation of neuro-INTEGRATIVE gains from feeling accepted, WITNESSed and valued.  Such witnessing is essential to recovery, whether in earliest relationships, current ones or within our internal relationship with Parts holding onto old pain or loss.

Nurturing is at the heart of parenting.  Those early emotional models and energies have lasting influence in adult relationships.  In some cases, those first relational patterns are positive, offering developmental support through OPEN-HEARTed acceptance. In other cases, including among many who seek therapeutic support, the family model extends to more negative beliefs tending to block growth and wellbeing.  Such blocks may arise as internal mistrust or bodymind pain - limiting emotional regulation, disrupting relationships, and even compromising our immune systems.

Disruptions in the environment have broad implications across the bodymind spectrum.  The ACEs research of recent decades, has left no question that familial and social dynamics influence physical and mental health in profound ways (Felitti et al., 1998). In the study, adult patients’ family histories were collected from those receiving services at medical facilities.  “Adverse Childhood Experiences” and their chronicity or combination were discovered to predict with nearly mathematical precision, severely compromised immune systems leading to illnesses and death from diseases ranging from obesity, to drug addictions, to cancers. Adversities such as poverty, mental illness, child abuse and violence were vastly over-represented in the family histories of those seeking treatment for these diseases, when compared to patient populations reporting more nurturing home environments. While there can be many contributors to ill health, the results of the ACESs research are too extreme to be ignored.

Turning our attention to “detoxing” from developmental PTSD or other traumatic experiences, it’s clear that physical and psychological recovery includes the release of neurochemical, biological and other emotion-based processes.  Such efforts demand engagement with bodily states of imbalance (e.g., pain, disease and “body memories”) at the body’s “weak link” on its immune system chain.  However, history need not determine outcomes.  Despite the ill effects of stressors or the number of ‘ACEs’ in our histories, the good news is that our minds and bodies remain amenable to change at the deepest levels of influence.  

INTEGRATIVE opportunities available in the practice of FLOWING can be renewed continuously within Self-NURTURING practices. It would be simplistic to think that all effects of developmental stressors could be reversed by a few nurturing activities, but a broad sweep of attention and consistent practice will likely support change in unexpected ways.  FEELING, LISTENING and bearing WITNESS to our own experiences and sense of meaning are fundamental requirements of recovery and wellbeing, and are cornerstones of bodymind health.  Mindfulness practices based in internally directed awareness have been found to remediate pain, release emotional burdens and even lead to changes at the genetic level. These practices, when consistent and supported by behavioral choices, can lead to bodymind integration. Once such burdens have been witnessed and released, it becomes essential to maintain that integration through nurturing practices.

In recovery from trauma and neglect, the shift from other to Self-Leadership is dependent on providing a sufficient structure of basic security. If such a structure was unsupported by childhood environments and relationships, its lack leaves us free-floating on the currents of external influences.  Achieving the ability to regulate our emotions necessitates an anchor, one only available in NURTURING environments and relationships.  If not well managed in early times, there are a wide array of meaningful options for engaging that anchor in later efforts, whether therapeutically, or Self-guided. 

Among the NURTURING practices known to be most effective are many movement based, expressive and nutritional opportunities.  Yoga, meditation, and creative expression are but a few of the options for nurturing practices. What is most important is the structure offered by regular engagement, with an emphasis on extending Self-Compassion supporting competence within our own bodymind system. Opportunities to explore a range of options, and to seek new Self-knowledge will further nurturing.

While secular practices are essential for some, spiritual aspects may appeal to many and may further broaden a sense of community as a meaningful aspect of practice.  Group classes and services expand awareness of our connection to others in our relational universe, and can add elements of support and GENERATIVITY to our NURTURING activities.  Whatever the case, it is important that the practice includes a perspective of valuing and non-judgment, rather than separating and categorizing into “us and them,” or otherwise blaming Self or others for unintended outcomes.  OPEN-HEARTedness is a necessary element to promote nurturing, since it will not feel safe to express vulnerability in the face of judgement.  This does not preclude taking responsibility for mistakes, only that we do so with the awareness that even best intentions may be thwarted by limitations of the moment, especially when insecurity is high.

Seeking regular opportunities for NURTURING is an expansive practice of curiosity and exploration, with room for celebrations and rituals of deep historic meaning, as well as new and exciting discoveries of meaningful engagement.  From such practices arise resources and supports for bodymind INTEGRATION, leading to the confidence needed to further share such gifts through GENERATIVITY.  This final element of the ING in FLOWING will be discussed in the next article of "FLOWING to Wellbeing."

Ellen C. Ranney, PhD. Is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice. She specializes in work with trauma survivors and their families.  Dr. Ranney is the author of Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss, (c)2016, available at www.unkindgifts.com.

Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., Nordenberg, D., Williamson, D. F., Spitz, A. M., Edwards, V., Koss, M. P., & Marks, J. S, (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults: The adverse childhood experiences (ACE) study. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4). 245 – 259. 

FLOWING to Well-Being: F is for Feeling

The phrase “go with the flow” is commonly heard in mindfulness oriented groups, but what does it really mean?  The word “flow” has an underlying appeal that brings to mind the movement of water, burbling streams and rhythmic waves.  Perhaps we have an inherent understanding of flow, based on our bodies composition of 97% water, but could the term have deeper application to our well-being?

When I was writing my book, Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss, I asked myself the same question about the meaning of the word flow, and discovered it held a key to self-exploration and expression, as well as opportunity for enhanced healing from loss.  As I reflected upon the letters of the word F-L-O-W they revealed a connection to particular practice oriented words: Feel, Listen, Open, and Witness.  These words effectively describe the heart of healing.  In the months ahead, let’s consider how each of these concepts plays a role in wellness and recovery.

F - Feel.  Life is so full of hurry and hurt that we learn from a young age to ignore and deny our bodies.  Social messages about not being “good-enough” as we are, come from every corner, especially so when it comes to how we look and feel.  Weight loss products and pharmaceutical interventions occupy the vast majority of the advertising slots on our television screens, and more indirect suggestions for buying everything from groceries to luxury cars bombard us with a message of “buy this and you will be more attractive, more sophisticated, more popular”, and so on.  In other words, “Who you are is not enough, and if you spend your money on this or that product, we can make you better.”  Is it any surprise that drugs, depression and debt are the problems that plague our society?

These social messages along with an understandable wish to avoid negative emotions and physical pain cause us to turn away from or actively block feelings.  Doing so has negative implications for our self-awareness and for our communication in relationships.  If we ignore the body’s signals about pain, we risk missing important opportunities to address imbalances while they are still correctable.  If we block our attention to emotional pain, we seek external sources of blame and may misunderstand our own position in our social environment.  Seeking external causes for our own pain is a bit like looking at someone else’s house for our missing keys; shouldn’t we check our own couch cushions first?

If we take the time to hold a calm, steady attention to our bodies, we can tap into blocked or intense mind-body energies to see what may be contained within them.  These energies are often made up of doubts and fears about our own capacity to handle challenges in life. They may hold losses from earlier times, even some from earliest childhood, and/or may be based on misinformation.  A past negative experience can create distorted perceptions about the present, leaving us vulnerable to a continued sense of victimization or unworthiness.  By sitting with and Feeling those key experiences we can address our childhood-based confusion, and take in more up to date information.  For example, a child whose parents are financially stressed or suffering their own depression may get a message of unworthiness or being unwanted, and may take that message to heart leading to hesitation and low self-esteem in adult relationships.  If instead they can sit with the negative message that they have carried, and see the larger context of parental overwhelm, they can release the blocked access to alternative signals from friends and family, and participate more effectively in their own relationships.

In terms of our physical health, we need to know our body’s baseline functioning in order to notice if and when things may be off balance.  Disregarding pain or fatigue may cause us to miss important cues about self-care or the need to seek medical support.  In my own case, had I not been able to check in with my body prior to know the changing conditions of my breast tissue, I might have missed the emergence of the cancerous lump that was quickly consuming healthy tissue.  Such a missed opportunity might have robbed me of the chance to be here today, sharing my story with you.   

Whether physical or emotional, stress and fatigue can create a ticking time-bomb of immune system failures or disrupted relationships.  The only way to prevent such disruptions is to attend with compassion to the inner workings of your bodymind energies.  Ignoring your own internal signals for extended periods will never lead to a better outcome, even though facing those fears may be hard.  Instead, make some time to sit with your Feelings, reflect and find opportunities to express them and don’t be afraid to reach out if you need help.  Just noticing your Feelings is the first step to FLOWING into well-being, Next time we will explore how to Listen and respond effectively to those Feelings.

Ellen C. Ranney, PhD. Is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice.  She specializes in work with trauma survivors and their families.  Dr. Ranney is the author of Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss, (c)2016, available at www.unkindgifts.com.

Stress and the Bodymind

Change can be hard, but sometimes not making the needed change is a dangerous mistake. Stress is ever present in our lives in this day and age, yet how we handle it is a choice.  Do we just submit to the situation?  Play the role of victim to our circumstances?  Or do we take the opportunity to create change and commit to a new way of viewing and acting on our own behalf?  To do the former is to struggle with blockage and frustration, while the latter choice offers improved health and quality of life.

How we deal with stress can be deadly; support for this position is evident in the illustration above.  Patterned responses to perceived problems are set in place early in life, leaving us with limited options for creative problem solving, even developing brain based pathways that "efficiently" keep us in unhealthy loops of thinking and behavioral responses.  A common by-product of such limitations in the bodymind is the emergence of an autoimmune disorder.  These instances of compromised immune functioning are literal instances of the body(mind) turning on itself in destructive ways.  High profile examples of autoimmune disorders include Lupus, Chronic Fatigue Disorder, and Celiac Disease, but the list is extensive and symptoms often overlap.  Such disorders may go along undetected until the level of damage is extreme enough to present as full-blown disease, as in cancer, heart disease and diabetes, to name a few.  The implications of ongoing imbalance in health go beyond mere physical illness, impacting relationships, finances and mental well-being.

Since the signs of imbalance are subtle at first, it is imperative to maintain awareness of one's own best functioning on physical and emotional levels.  Western medicine offers many amazing options, but is often shortsighted with regard to the source and course of underlying immune function imbalance.  For this reason it may be necessary to seek out alternative and complementary practitioners to aid in the effort to maintain health.  A known source of imbalance is early trauma, and chronic exposure to stress.  These events tend to include denial or dismissal of one's own experiences and perceptions, as well as keeping attention directed outward toward external demands, thus limiting opportunity for awareness of the subtle signals of imbalance until they blossom into full blown illness.

It is imperative in the quest for health and balance that we slow down and make time to tune-in to ourselves.  Attention to signals from the bodymind is a practice (see earlier post on Finding FLOW).  When we find, listen and openly witness our internal meanings, we have the chance to address imbalance early in its course, as well as a strong base from which to cope and perhaps change that course.  These disruptions will then take their place in life as opportunities for change, another set of unkind gifts that may extend and enhance life..., the greatest gift of all.