FLOWING to Wellbeing –  (part 6)

N for Nurture

Have you ever noticed times of illness arising just as a stressful period reaches its conclusion; the annoying cold or strained muscle that lingers through your well-earned vacation?  As old energy blocks move through our lives and our bodies, a sort of systemic detox can emerge at physical emotional and inter/intrapersonal levels, across the lifespan. Knowing as we do that recovery from trauma is tied directly to the nervous system via attachment processes in primary relationships, it should not be a surprise that NURTURE is a central component of the FLOWING model of recovery.  The meaning of nurture is to participate in providing the means of furthering one-another’s continued growth. In terms of mental health, nurturing is a process of consolidation of neuro-INTEGRATIVE gains from feeling accepted, WITNESSed and valued.  Such witnessing is essential to recovery, whether in earliest relationships, current ones or within our internal relationship with Parts holding onto old pain or loss.

Nurturing is at the heart of parenting.  Those early emotional models and energies have lasting influence in adult relationships.  In some cases, those first relational patterns are positive, offering developmental support through OPEN-HEARTed acceptance. In other cases, including among many who seek therapeutic support, the family model extends to more negative beliefs tending to block growth and wellbeing.  Such blocks may arise as internal mistrust or bodymind pain - limiting emotional regulation, disrupting relationships, and even compromising our immune systems.

Disruptions in the environment have broad implications across the bodymind spectrum.  The ACEs research of recent decades, has left no question that familial and social dynamics influence physical and mental health in profound ways (Felitti et al., 1998). In the study, adult patients’ family histories were collected from those receiving services at medical facilities.  “Adverse Childhood Experiences” and their chronicity or combination were discovered to predict with nearly mathematical precision, severely compromised immune systems leading to illnesses and death from diseases ranging from obesity, to drug addictions, to cancers. Adversities such as poverty, mental illness, child abuse and violence were vastly over-represented in the family histories of those seeking treatment for these diseases, when compared to patient populations reporting more nurturing home environments. While there can be many contributors to ill health, the results of the ACESs research are too extreme to be ignored.

Turning our attention to “detoxing” from developmental PTSD or other traumatic experiences, it’s clear that physical and psychological recovery includes the release of neurochemical, biological and other emotion-based processes.  Such efforts demand engagement with bodily states of imbalance (e.g., pain, disease and “body memories”) at the body’s “weak link” on its immune system chain.  However, history need not determine outcomes.  Despite the ill effects of stressors or the number of ‘ACEs’ in our histories, the good news is that our minds and bodies remain amenable to change at the deepest levels of influence.  

INTEGRATIVE opportunities available in the practice of FLOWING can be renewed continuously within Self-NURTURING practices. It would be simplistic to think that all effects of developmental stressors could be reversed by a few nurturing activities, but a broad sweep of attention and consistent practice will likely support change in unexpected ways.  FEELING, LISTENING and bearing WITNESS to our own experiences and sense of meaning are fundamental requirements of recovery and wellbeing, and are cornerstones of bodymind health.  Mindfulness practices based in internally directed awareness have been found to remediate pain, release emotional burdens and even lead to changes at the genetic level. These practices, when consistent and supported by behavioral choices, can lead to bodymind integration. Once such burdens have been witnessed and released, it becomes essential to maintain that integration through nurturing practices.

In recovery from trauma and neglect, the shift from other to Self-Leadership is dependent on providing a sufficient structure of basic security. If such a structure was unsupported by childhood environments and relationships, its lack leaves us free-floating on the currents of external influences.  Achieving the ability to regulate our emotions necessitates an anchor, one only available in NURTURING environments and relationships.  If not well managed in early times, there are a wide array of meaningful options for engaging that anchor in later efforts, whether therapeutically, or Self-guided. 

Among the NURTURING practices known to be most effective are many movement based, expressive and nutritional opportunities.  Yoga, meditation, and creative expression are but a few of the options for nurturing practices. What is most important is the structure offered by regular engagement, with an emphasis on extending Self-Compassion supporting competence within our own bodymind system. Opportunities to explore a range of options, and to seek new Self-knowledge will further nurturing.

While secular practices are essential for some, spiritual aspects may appeal to many and may further broaden a sense of community as a meaningful aspect of practice.  Group classes and services expand awareness of our connection to others in our relational universe, and can add elements of support and GENERATIVITY to our NURTURING activities.  Whatever the case, it is important that the practice includes a perspective of valuing and non-judgment, rather than separating and categorizing into “us and them,” or otherwise blaming Self or others for unintended outcomes.  OPEN-HEARTedness is a necessary element to promote nurturing, since it will not feel safe to express vulnerability in the face of judgement.  This does not preclude taking responsibility for mistakes, only that we do so with the awareness that even best intentions may be thwarted by limitations of the moment, especially when insecurity is high.

Seeking regular opportunities for NURTURING is an expansive practice of curiosity and exploration, with room for celebrations and rituals of deep historic meaning, as well as new and exciting discoveries of meaningful engagement.  From such practices arise resources and supports for bodymind INTEGRATION, leading to the confidence needed to further share such gifts through GENERATIVITY.  This final element of the ING in FLOWING will be discussed in the next article of "FLOWING to Wellbeing."

Ellen C. Ranney, PhD. Is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice. She specializes in work with trauma survivors and their families.  Dr. Ranney is the author of Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss, (c)2016, available at www.unkindgifts.com.

Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., Nordenberg, D., Williamson, D. F., Spitz, A. M., Edwards, V., Koss, M. P., & Marks, J. S, (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults: The adverse childhood experiences (ACE) study. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4). 245 – 259. 

Flowing to Wellbeing, (Part 4)

W - Witness

Within the FLOWING model described in Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss, the fourth letter holds the balance in recovery and wellness efforts.  As we look at the word FLOWING, the shape and placement of the letter W models a balance between alternatives.  Lines are interconnected at the bottom and rise-up in multiple directions, teetering on twin points, arms out like the scales of justice.  Taking a position of Witnessing requires that we attend to the specifics of meaning and the hierarchy of needs in any given situation.  It is not enough just to look, then turn away – to do so in any relationship is to demonstrate disinterest, wearing away trust and triggering natural fears of being left behind.

Having worked through earlier elements of the acronym – Feel, Listen and Open-heart – we are already familiar with the twin tasks of engagement and expression of physical and emotional processes as essential to wellbeing.  It is important to add that without the deeper meaning of those expressions being grasped and truly acknowledged, any mindbody release may be fleeting or restricted by an expected dismissal, a return to “normal” avoidance and to the overriding of pain cues.  Without a depth of continued attention, it can never be safe enough for us to approach change.  Recovery means actively exploring one’s own forward path, “one step at a time.”  This can only happen in the presence of trust, the natural response to compassionate witnessing.  Notice that the word compassion contains “compass” suggesting a tool for orientation and guidance.  Compassionate witnessing allows the Self to be our guide.

Witnessing is the point at which general mindfulness practice may shift into something more purposefully therapeutic.  Emotional access in a safe, calm context, will yield to deeper exploration and the opportunity for representation.  When received by a witness, old or disorganized ‘scripts’ for life can be released and space made to take in soothing corrective updates.  The same is true of internal, Self-led witnessing; Parts carrying the story of who you are - based on how you have been treated by life and circumstance - need consistency of attention and genuine presence to risk the journey of change.

When we broaden our attention to a range of options for Witnessing, including monitoring our body’s felt responses to cues in the environment, we will discover access to intuition as a reliable guide for assessing safety.  Instead of pushing past unease or discomfort, we can note the things that need attention or action, rather than being guided by reactive responses to outdated emotional cues or ‘triggers.’

If the letter W is our visual example of open expression of shared experience – the “we’ in FLOWING” then its opposite, the letter M can be a model of a closed, “walled-in” system, as in “me” and “mine.”  There is an illusion of security within the protected space of the solid wall, but by cutting-off contact with the normal cycles and frequent shifts in our relationships, our communities and our culture, suddenly the “protective space” is nothing more than a hiding place, a place of isolation, vulnerable to surprise “invasion” by unknown or misunderstood forces.  In the case of trauma, those surprises can take the form of “flashbacks,” where un-witnessed experiences and emotions emerge unexpectedly.  With no opportunity for validation by a witness, we may find ourselves confused and reacting to this displaced information as if it were a present moment crisis.  Such a response can lead to negative repercussions since the reaction is out-of-synch with our real-time situation.  In this way, our ‘protective’ wall becomes a prison of isolation – Me, alone, instead of We, witnessed.

There are many ways to witness: artwork, music, story and other shared experiences are among them.  Representations of our shared humanity is essential to wellness.  In more profound experiences of trauma, we might do well to seek professional supports to help us witness the internal sense of isolation, perhaps with the inclusion of physical release options for mind-body healing.  From this release comes opportunity for Integration, tearing down the walls to make space for gardens where all Parts of our Self-system, and our larger community, can be tended and allowed to flourish.  We will turn to the topic of Integration, the I in FLOWING, in or next entry.  Until that time, offer yourself and those around you the gift of Witnessing. 

Ellen C. Ranney, PhD. Is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice. She specializes in work with trauma survivors and their families.  Dr. Ranney is the author of Unkind Gifts: An Insider’s Guide to Recovery from Trauma and Loss, (c)2016, available at www.unkindgifts.com.

Building up the FLOW

Part of the fun of this project has been making the time, and giving myself permission to explore different options for self-expression and expansion. As I have gotten to know my own parts in all their glory I have found a level of self-acceptance that is unprecedented.  Despite their burdens and their quirks I really love these unique elements of myself.  I admire the ways they have found to cope and to thrive especially when it might have been easier to hide away and feel sorry for ourselves.  My clients have inspired me in this, and have helped me to find the tools.

My number one tool is certainly a product of training in Internal Family Systems therapy.  Through that training I have gotten clear about how my coping skills have developed, and in response to what.  At the same time I learned not to take myself so seriously.  That life is full of risks, but that it is necessary to confront risk, if we are ever to reach our rewards.  This is it, the only life we have to work with (although my Buddhist parts remind me that we aren’t necessarily limited to only one).

 

So here is what I want to do; use this space to continue playing with ideas for creative recovery.  If you’d be interested in joining me, and maybe letting me know what you think of these ideas as we go along, I’d be happy to have you with me on the journey.  I will share some of the things that have been most meaningful to my own recovery, and will try to modify them where it seems appropriate to make best use of the activity in the service of Integration.  That’s the term used for identifying change at the level of the nervous system, and sorting through some of those old burdens that have blocked development and engagement in the past.  When you read the book, you will notice that it is the “I” in my acronym FLOWING; the part of the word that goes from passive to active.  (That’s what is known as a teaser.  I’ll continue to reference elements of the model, in no particular order, as we go along.)  

The first activity I will suggest is keeping a journal – nothing fancy, just a place to track your efforts and reactions as we go along.  If I have discovered anything, it is that the writing makes it real.  Otherwise it is just a thought that goes away, or if we remember it at all, it looks different in hindsight.  The act of writing is a way to engage those thoughts, to honor them (even the silly ones).  Writing is an opportunity to Witness our own development, and by Witnessing, to acknowledge, participate with and even to heal old wounds.  So let’s start there, and find out what happens next as we begin FLOWING together.