Shining Through

My posting has slowed over the winter.  Other things keep getting in the way, and the dreary Midwestern weather of the last few weeks has felt like we are in a holding pattern of gloom.  Still there are moments of inspiration, like a trip to sunny southern shores, and special times with friends and family.  Those moments need to be held and expanded on, to counter the gloom.

The author of "Buddha's Brain," Rick Hanson, tells us that we human beings have a "negativity bias."  We are hardwired to attend to what makes us feel unhappy or unsafe.  This tendency is biologically driven, as our brains try to guide us away from what might be harmful, yet it demands that we engage in practices that emphasize and highlight the positive in order to clearly view our environment.  Allowing this tendency toward negative awareness to passively populate our view of  "reality" with fear and loss, is a sure way to dwell in discontent.  A terrible waste of opportunity for meaning-making, and a recipe for depression and anxiety, especially in these days of information overload from news sources that have the same negativity bias on a global scale.

Instead of giving our natural bias full reign, why not lean into the positive.  Slow down and attend to the small miracles of every moment.  You don't have to look far, just look.  Hold the positive experiences for a few extra moments to give your brain time to engage them.  Let yourself access balance and truth, in contrast to this overblown biological imperative to safety.  Unless you truly engage in this effort, approaching with calm, and expanding into the meaning of those "miracle moments," they may slip away, never having registered in your internal accounts, to balance positive to negative events and experiences. 

I love taking photographs of children and nature.  Photography offers one way to hold and connect with those most miraculous of human experiences.  More recently I have developed (pun intended) a practice of taking "mental snapshots" of the full, embodied event and vision of a particular moment.  I find that those images are readily available for review, complete with the sense of reverence and joy that they originally offered, when I need that reminder.  The rainbow around the moon on a Jamaican beach; the storybook castle wall in Tuscany; the first meeting with my sweet grandbaby; those moments and images along with many others are held in my mental store of reasons for gratitude. 

As Springtime approaches, take the challenge to open yourself to the positives.  They may take more time and effort, but a practice of appreciation will offer lasting opportunity to build a storehouse of strength. 
Pretty soon you will notice sunlight shining through fading winter gloom, and like the changing seasons, you will discover opportunities for new growth.

Many Roads to Mindfulness

Options for accessing mindfulness are as many and varied as are the individuals who seek to open up to such growth-enhancing experiences.  A general grouping of such practices might fall under the following headings.  

·     Meditation:  Practiced since ancient times, attention to one’s experience of internally directed consciousness has long been considered a primary path to enlightenment.  Whether sound driven (chanting, listening to chimes), or silent contemplation; emptying the mind or filling it with a single-minded focus, or; non-attached awareness of moment to moment experiencing; meditative practices continue be a cornerstone of many spiritual traditions. 

·         Yoga & Body Therapies:  Since body and mind are one interconnected entity, any process that allows for non-judgmental awareness of one’s internal and external state is by definition a mindful state.  With such attention almost any focused activity, be it sensory (listening to birdsong or music, studying a flower’s petals, savoring a favorite food, healing massage), or movement (dance, tai-chi) based can result in a sense of present moment calm.

           Artistic Expression:  Symbols speak volumes.  The old adage, “a picture is worth a thousand words” is true, not only for representative artworks, but, perhaps even more so, for the abstract and personal expression of inner conflicts and celebrations of self.  Even practical arts like weaving and textiles work can offer solace in their very rhythm and FLOW, at a level of unconscious expression, opening one to creativity and meaning.

·         Self-Leadership:  Internal Family Systems Theory (i) offers an open-ended structure for accessing internal guidance, and for encountering and negotiating with protective parts (even those which may have been mistaken for negative influences).  This example of internal and external compassion offers a methodology for advancing self-awareness and self-leadership based upon internally held knowledge and experience.  How much more wise and safe an option is this than an externally introduced overlay of someone else’s “truth?”

These are but a few of the many choices available for the free expression of internal conflicts and transformation of meaning.  Alone or in combination, such practices will enhance your recovery process in ways unique to your own journey and unfolding.

---

^[i] Schwartz, R., (1995)

The New Year Reboot

My blogging has lagged over the Holiday season.  Instead my time went to cleaning house, preparing menus and meals, and making or buying gift items for my loved ones.  I would venture a guess that you, too, reader, have been doing much the same sorts of activities.  These December rituals have come to define what we love, and sometimes dread about the season.  Yes, it is distracting, and often exhausting, but there is a purpose to these predictable disruptions at the end of each year.  They shape our lives with time to pause and express our appreciation of otherwise routine activities, and offer a reminder to reach out to others in our appreciation of them.

Ritual is a way to make the everyday sacred.  In the hectic day-to-day of life, it becomes essential to slow things down and engage with our environment.  Taking time to note beauty in surprising places creates opportunity to ground oneself, not only in the external factors but in the felt relationship with those surroundings. 

By engaging "ordinary miracles" within each day, we attain connection to the energetic qualities available in that moment.  Remember to note opportunities in your day for such potential connection: the sound of a warming teakettle; the crunch of frosted earth underfoot as you walk through the world with a loved one; watching children at play; each in its own way a sacred event.  When the positive energies in such moments are embodied, they result in calm, healing moments in our lives.  Indeed, such times are likely to attract further positives to their practice and presence providing us with further opportunity to engage the world as a pathway to a life of Healing FLOW.

Now that the decorations have been boxed up for next year, and the leftovers have been consumed, make a choice to celebrate each new day with the enthusiasm and appreciation of our annual efforts.  An attitude of curiosity and positive expectations can open up avenues to fulfillment.  So Happy New Day, everyone!

Branching Out

 This blog is part of an effort toward collecting my thoughts and experiences of trauma in a book for general readership.  At times I struggle to stay on track with the project, life gets in the way, but if I criticize myself for not doing enough or moving fast enough, I will have defeated my purpose.  Instead, I remind myself that the book is an ongoing process that will reach its completion at the right time, if I don't get in my own way.

The book seems to come together in tree form, like the "Grandfather Tree" that embraces the window of my study.  Branches of meaning come together at a central core, while all around the edges are leaflets of ideas; snippets of life clustering around connective twigs of story.  It is a network of personal and interpersonal energies moving in many directions through space and time.  My Self in connection with the Universe; the Spirit of harmony; the FLOW.

The trick is to allow myself to tolerate vulnerability - to trust - after all of the hard knocks of life in the real world of relationships and obligations.  To trust my Self, I must find ways to practice mindful awareness in the day to day.  It is essential to relationships, to my immune system, to my bio-social-emotional wellbeing, that I engage in connection, rather than dwell in the stress of task completion, interspersed with withdrawal and escape tactics.  In order to move through our part of the "network" effectively, we must open channels for energies to FLOW through, and find release.  Willingness to be open, to be mindful without judgement, to avoid imposing meanings; willingness to merely observe, with compassion, our own actions, and those of others; that is the Buddhist concept of Zen with with we can counterbalance the hectic, daily distractions and details of our lives in "Real-Time."

Look to the trees for inspiration (literally "to breathe in").  As energy flows from earth and sky, they take it in, and maintain flexibility.  Trees flourish in good times and stand strong amidst storms.  They endure, participating in the cycle of life without trying to grab control of their environment.  Giving breath and taking nourishment from their interconnection with the living things around them, creating new growth from decay, transforming that which enters their field.  They remain rooted in the earth until their time on earth is complete, yet even then, they contribute to the warmth, the shelter, the comfort of others, even the pages on which my book will eventually be printed is a gift of the trees; Inspiring.

Practicing What I Preach

I haven't posted much during the month of October, but I am always thinking about how to maintain FLOW in my life.  The transition from the hot dry Summer to a lush and colorful Autumn is an especially meaningful time for me.  The angle of sunlight changes, adding increased awareness of the shortening days, and adding meaning to the day to day opportunity to be out in nature.  We traveled this month to our lake, a 650 mi journey to the past.  The little cabin built by my grandfather as a gift to future generations is a place of powerful ancestral energies.  Family stories build a tapestry of history from the days of loggers and Native American wild rice fields, investing the simple moments with tradition and intention.  Those who have gone before somehow remain present in the cedar walls and loon cries of that cabin.

It is not coincidental that my wedding took place in October, but another, more complex anniversary also falls at the end of this month.  Fourteen years since hearing the news that I had breast cancer, the long painful and frightening journey began from that point.  It is important to hold to that date, not just to grieve for the losses, but to embrace the healing that has been a direct result of that terrible challenge.  A time to count blessings, and consider ways to sustain and further the healing.  October emerges into rites of celebration.  Marking the passage of time and the strength of tradition is a powerful way to aid the flow of positive energy for a true appreciation of the present, unfolding as it will toward the infinite possibilities of the future.

The Parts Part: Internal Family Systems (IFS)

If you have followed prior posts in this blog, you may have wondered why there are frequent references to "my parts."  An idea that sets IFS a-'part' from other theories of development and treatment is its basis in an awareness of our multiplicity.  In other words, we are not only one element of many systems (i.e., family, community, society, nation,...), but are also made up of many elements.  These elements work together more or less smoothly to assess and respond to our interpersonal environment, generally using past experiences to determine future action.  These response patterns, or parts activities, tend to happen so quickly that we are unaware of the unique design underlying any particular stimulus/response.  However, by slowing down these activities and witnessing the inherent meanings held therein, we gain an opportunity for perspective, and can actively modify our response patterns to better reflect current conditions, instead of triggering old "knee-jerk" reactions.

The beauty of the IFS model, (Schwartz, 1995) is its application of the concepts and practice of "Family Systems Theory" to internal personality structures.  The underlying activities of internal parts are based upon internalized versions of interactions with other (external) people in your life, so application of this interpersonal model to  internal processes makes inherent sense.  For example: if you were bullied by an older sibling during childhood, it is likely that a part developed within your personality structure to predict the likely sources and outcomes of further bullying.  A part may develop to attempt to protect you from the potential negative outcome of further bullying by running a 'script' of bullying commentary, and thus, may help you to avoid actual exposure to your brother's wrath.  A Family Systems therapist who was brought into the (external) situation would likely work with the family as a group to determine what elements of stress are producing such problematic interactions between your brother and you.  Perhaps he is acting out his own sense of vulnerability to external forces (e.g., frustration with school or friends; conflict between parents; fears of failure...). The Family Systems therapist would look beyond the acting-out to its source, and attempt to intervene at that level.  However, most of the time such victimization may have taken place with no reliable witnesses, and no intervention; instead the internal system takes on the job of management of the problem. 
This internal management process can have lasting effect on the way you respond to other perceived "bullies" in your life (the boss?, your spouse?...).  The part's activity may create a lens through which you sense others as persecutors, establishing patterns of continued negative interaction and stress across interpersonal relationships.  In order to see those relationships clearly and without the 'tint' of internally held perspectives and negative expectations, those parts need their own opportunity for acknowledgment.  Taking time to access and witness the internal models held by our parts can free us from such automatic, and perhaps outdated, perspectives.  Calm, non-judgmental awareness and validation of these isolated parts allows them to deliver their burden of expectation, and to be more present. This leads to more grounded interactions and greater self-awareness, a powerful resource and another unkind gift.

In Defense of Anger

In order to really address questions of boundary awareness, it is essential to discuss the emotion that gets a bad rap; Anger.  Too often when we say "anger," the experiences that come to mind are those of rage - "anger on steroids."  But that skips over the essential role of anger in our personal expression and self-awareness.  Rage is another thing altogether.  Where rage is loud and aggressive; anger is quiet and clear.  Where rage pushes people away; anger identifies the line between enough and too much.

I have a strong image of my angry part.  She looks a lot like Cher in the '80s; long black wavy hair, tight fitting jeans, and attitude.  She has, of course, been around for many years, but I only really got to know her 4 years ago in the midst of my level one IFS (Internal Family Systems) training.  It was around half-way through the intensive training, and I'd gotten used to starting the training day with the practice of internal observation (mindfulness), to determine what needed attention at that days session.  Anger didn't wait for the session to begin, in fact she showed herself as I waited for a light to change on my way to the training. 

 As I followed up with that day's "introduction" to Anger, it became clear to me that this part of myself had been fighting for awareness, not to "go off" on anyone, but to protect and support me.  Focus on the part showed me example after example of times she had been nearby throughout my life, and each was a strong indication of a time someone had demanded more of me than was their right; or had misunderstood my intent; or had been threatened by my abilities.  In other works, they had crossed boundaries into my personal, emotional or physical space.  Anger had gotten me through the toughest fights of my life, during cancer and other times of personal crisis.  Sometimes I had neglected to heed her warnings, instead turning anger toward myself in the form of depression, but she stood strong and kept me moving forward.

Now, I know anger to be my ally, and I attend to her before she has to get more intensive or self-directed in order to gain my awareness.  She provides balance and clarity in my responses to interpersonal and global concerns, poking at my solar plexus (the power chakra) if injustice threatens to intrude.  Sometimes we have to decide if it is worthy of a commitment to action, or agree to just let it go, but it is a decision made together with conscious attention to the boundaries and ethics, and who it may affect.

I find it interesting that keeping that part of myself nearby results in a more open, calm awareness, and more receptivity to the foibles of others.  We know who we are, and what space is ours to manage, so are less reactive to what we cannot control.  Anger supports, and deserves, gratitude. 

Thanks for watching my back, Anger.  I think I will keep you as close as my middle name, Claire, for your gifts of clarity.