Stress and the Bodymind

Change can be hard, but sometimes not making the needed change is a dangerous mistake. Stress is ever present in our lives in this day and age, yet how we handle it is a choice.  Do we just submit to the situation?  Play the role of victim to our circumstances?  Or do we take the opportunity to create change and commit to a new way of viewing and acting on our own behalf?  To do the former is to struggle with blockage and frustration, while the latter choice offers improved health and quality of life.

How we deal with stress can be deadly; support for this position is evident in the illustration above.  Patterned responses to perceived problems are set in place early in life, leaving us with limited options for creative problem solving, even developing brain based pathways that "efficiently" keep us in unhealthy loops of thinking and behavioral responses.  A common by-product of such limitations in the bodymind is the emergence of an autoimmune disorder.  These instances of compromised immune functioning are literal instances of the body(mind) turning on itself in destructive ways.  High profile examples of autoimmune disorders include Lupus, Chronic Fatigue Disorder, and Celiac Disease, but the list is extensive and symptoms often overlap.  Such disorders may go along undetected until the level of damage is extreme enough to present as full-blown disease, as in cancer, heart disease and diabetes, to name a few.  The implications of ongoing imbalance in health go beyond mere physical illness, impacting relationships, finances and mental well-being.

Since the signs of imbalance are subtle at first, it is imperative to maintain awareness of one's own best functioning on physical and emotional levels.  Western medicine offers many amazing options, but is often shortsighted with regard to the source and course of underlying immune function imbalance.  For this reason it may be necessary to seek out alternative and complementary practitioners to aid in the effort to maintain health.  A known source of imbalance is early trauma, and chronic exposure to stress.  These events tend to include denial or dismissal of one's own experiences and perceptions, as well as keeping attention directed outward toward external demands, thus limiting opportunity for awareness of the subtle signals of imbalance until they blossom into full blown illness.

It is imperative in the quest for health and balance that we slow down and make time to tune-in to ourselves.  Attention to signals from the bodymind is a practice (see earlier post on Finding FLOW).  When we find, listen and openly witness our internal meanings, we have the chance to address imbalance early in its course, as well as a strong base from which to cope and perhaps change that course.  These disruptions will then take their place in life as opportunities for change, another set of unkind gifts that may extend and enhance life..., the greatest gift of all.

Trauma in Families: the (unkind) gift that keeps on giving

When you throw a pebble into a pond, it sends ripples out in every direction.  The calm surface is disturbed, and everything nearby shifts.  Now picture a handful of pebbles with ripples that merge and change course, so the predictably of the ripple effect is lost to chaos.  If we take it further and drop in a boulder or two; the water is left muddy, and plant life may be broken off, or torn up by the roots.  This is a pretty good metaphor for the effects of trauma within families and communities.  Things may change to a point of being unrecognizable as the place it was before.

My own experience of this phenomenon was in the profound changes to my body, and my perspective on life, following my cancer diagnosis 14 years ago.  Everything spun on a dime, and there were months and years of trying to find a stable place to begin to rebuild.  It took awhile to discover the gifts of that time, but the jury is still out on the effect it has had on my kids.  I know enough about trauma to know that the younger one is at the time of occurrence, the more likely the disruption is to change the trajectory of development.  As the psychologically minded mom that I am, I find myself wondering at each challenge they face, "Would it be different if they hadn't had to go through having a mom with cancer?"  At times I'm sure the answer would be "no," that life just offers such lessons along the way, but other times I'm sure the answer is "yes," and I struggle with lingering grief for the burdens they bear.

Despite efforts to the contrary, we are all affected by the experiences of those around us.  Turn on the 10pm news any evening to see a dozen examples of families and communities struggling to rebuild after an earthquake; a shooting; a bomb...; and we know that in a million other places families are struggling with the less public but equally profound tragedies of death, addiction, poverty and violence http://www.helpguide.org/mental/emotional_psychological_trauma.htm.  Every one of those families and communities is its own little pond, or big sea of ripples and waves that intersect and create further disturbances as they travel outward from their origins.  It staggers the imagination and begs the question, "Is there such a thing as a life unaffected by trauma?"

The first noble truth discovered by the Buddha is that suffering is universal.

It can be overwhelming to try to take on this awareness, so many of us turn our backs to pain by denying its lasting influence.  Sometimes we even blame others for their part in the tragedy, and even resent them for needing help.  Witness the continued reduction of support for poor families with starving children, while luxury items lead sales records, and CEO's make exponentially more profits than a decade ago.  This is yet another byproduct of exposure to trauma; one that manifests in the creation of another generation of victims and perpetrators.

Still, there are gifts available to those who stay open to their presence.  Those who take the time to connect and to share what they have can change the world, one ripple at a time.  Who work quietly behind the scenes to offer support to those in need, and who dedicate their efforts to making the world a better place.  Those ripples of caring and calm are also spreading outward, and we can all do our part to keep them moving outward.

I think of that when I see my sons' gentleness with the children and pets that are around them.  I recognize the positive gifts of our mutual struggles when they support their friends in similar struggles of life crisis and loss.  Would it be different if they hadn't had to go through the fear and uncertainty with their dad and me?  Maybe, but maybe not.  Still the ripples continue.

Transforming Trauma with Mindfulness

The summer heatwave finally broke, and even though it is still early August there is a whisper of autumn in the air.  Perhaps that explains the increased intensity of the work being done at my office, stlcounselors.com.  Several clients are working at a pace and depth seldom encountered before; tuning into deep hurt and transforming the meanings into motivation for a better future.

As witness and coach to such transformation, I am in a place of privilege.  The courage and conviction it takes to face one's pain and take on recovery is  inspiring.  Recovery takes energy and creates momentum like a powerful undertow in the ocean, and as such can take one to unexpected places.  Being present for such work requires that I navigate carefully to avoid being thrown off my own course. Some unknown territories might be encountered, the sort that mapmakers of old would label, "Here There be Dragons."

Caregivers cannot help but be affected by exposure to the suffering of others.  Trauma therapy demands attention to self-as-therapist to avoid letting personal issues impact the client's recovery process, and also to avoid becoming traumatized oneself (secondary trauma).  The same is true for any support person who cares for a family member or patient, whether at home, or at a facility; self-care is crucial to maintaining the ability to continue to work effectively.  If not, the chances of burnout, or breakdown of emotional and physical resources, is high.  For the sake of patient and provider, self-awareness and self-care are crucial to successful recovery and care-giving over the long haul.

Mindfulness practices are increasingly recognized as the most effective way to attend to well-being.  Though it seems simple, setting aside time to be quiet and focus inward is the perfect counterbalance to the hectic external focus of care-giving.  Attention to breathing allows the heart and mind to calm; creates mental space where priorities shift and resources emerge; releases one from demands and pressures of service to spend a moment in peace and gratitude.  It fills the well, so there will be more available when resources start to run dry.

There are as many ways to practice mindfulness as there are creative minds, but breath awareness is essential to every practice.  Sensory attention can offer easy access, one sense at a time; listening to your environment without holding onto, or thinking beyond, what is heard; or feeling the textures and temperature of air to skin, skin to cloth, nerves to tissue.  For some people it is helpful to label the object of awareness, then let it go until another thought, sound or sense arises.  By doing so, we can step back from familiar ways of thinking and routine behaviors, to open up to new possibilities.

Trauma is defined by avoidance of recurrent, intrusive thoughts and actions.  Mindfulness is a practice of attention and letting go, thus it is the perfect counterbalance to trauma.  More than that, mindfulness changes biological and brain based patterns that have negative implications for healthy functioning.  It allows us to stop swimming frantically against the current, instead finding ways to access existing energies toward positive change.

Perhaps, through mindful practice, we will discover those "dragons" are actually more like dolphins that aid our efforts to safely reach new lands of strength and serenity.  For survivors and caregivers alike,  it may be is time to redraw the old maps.

Finding F.L.O.W.

 It rained yesterday, after months of parching, dusty dry days, the likes of which this river-crossed state has never seen.  Soft gentle rain fell throughout the morning hours, giving the scorched earth a much needed respite.  No doubt, the trees will show a wide dark ring of mean season beneath their bark; a lasting imprint of nature's sometimes cruelty.  Yet the trees have been offered opportunity for recovery, a chance to drink in nourishment enough to sustain them until cooler, wetter days return.

The dark rings of trauma might be seen beneath the skin of many of us.  Once suffered, trauma will never be undone.  It might be tempting to allow those dark scars to define our future, expecting (like the pessimists of the first blog entry) that to hope for better, might borrow trouble.  To give in to this temptation, is to choose a narrow path through life, one that isolates in the name of "safety."  There is another path, that like the healing rainfall, offers recovery in the water's flow.

Dan Siegel drdansiegel.com, proposes a simple model of health; a river flowing between two banks, with one side being characterized by chaos, and the other by rigidity. The point of this illustration is that ill health (mental, physical and spiritual) is generally made up of symptoms that fall to one "river-bank" or the other.  Think "Anxiety" (chaos) vs. "Depression" (rigidity); or, in the language of post-trauma diagnoses, "Intrusion" (chaotic reminders of  helplessness and overwhelming terror) vs. "Numbing" (rigid blocking of emotional and physical sensations).  So it follows that health is more a keeping to the middle part of the river, staying in the flow, so to speak.  A simple, but effective, conceptual model of recovery.

I love to be near water.  It soothes my spirit to listen to burbling, splashing, even crashing sounds of water in its many forms. The idea of flowing waters accompanied my meditations during preparation for childbirth, and soothed the fatigue and nausea of chemotherapy.  Perhaps it is not coincidental that I was born under a water sign of the zodiac.  Or maybe it is a universal experience to find healing in water; as human beings, water makes up over 97% of our bodies; we can survive for days without food, but not without water.  Whatever the reason, I became curious about the effects of the experience of, even the sound of the word, FLOW.  Contemplation of the word led me to an appreciation of its use as an acronym for recovery practices.  The particulars are common ideas, but the acronym is of my own making, so I will claim authorship, with credit due to my training in Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS),  selfleadership.org, and its developer, Dick Schwartz.

F.L.O.W. refers to mindful attention to unconscious processes via physical and emotional signals.  Instead of pushing past a stiff neck or headache, or the tightness in your gut, take a few moments to sit with that signal from your body.  In other words find and feel its presence. Consider that it holds a message about something you may benefit from attending to, and take the time to listen and learn from it.  In the spirit of all meditative practices, it is essential to avoid making judgments about the body parts or the ideas that may be present in that moment of awareness, so be open to whatever thoughts, images or feelings arise.  It is only by such non-judgmental attention that you can act as a witness to your own story of loss or of hope, and thereby understand the meanings, and inform the intentions, that will carry you forward into recovery and personal development.


Find, Listen, and Openly Witness: FLOW.


Taking the concept of FLOW further, it becomes a powerful tool to support healthy functioning in many realms.  If we are blocked in mind or body - for example plaque in the coronary arteries, or floundering in a state of grief - there are consequences to those blockages (e.g., heart attack, depression, relationship disruptions...).  If instead we actively attend to signals of blockage, we can support movement of whatever the source may be, and get things flowing again.  This doesn't imply that we have control over what happens to us in life, only that we have opportunities in our approach to how we manage those challenges.

Flow can be seen throughout bodily systems: circulatory, respiratory, lymphatic, digestive, hormonal..., and in the range of human emotions available to experience.  Nature is always in a process of flowing; rivers and tides; wind currents; seasons; planetary orbits; and in cycles of life and death.  Seasons change, trees grow, droughts occur, and healing rains arrive, so take a tip from mother nature and go with the flow.

Relationships and Attachment

I was out of town over this past weekend, celebrating a sister's birthday.  While only 4 of 6 sisters were there, it was clear to each of us that the other 2 were present, along with our mother.  In the midst of conversation, it was as if we could hear a comment, sometimes coming out of our own mouths, that was indicative of one of the missing members of our group.  How was it that those who were not physically present could "appear" among us?  This was especially significant since only one of those not present is still living.  The explanation for this phenomenon might be found in the concept of internalization.  This refers to our tendency to create images and "sound bites" of influential others in life, such that we can (sometimes unconsciously) predict and experience their presence or perspective in our daily activities, even though they are not physically there.

We are social animals, and our experience of our social and familial systems shapes who we are.  It is in relationship that we learn our worth; our competence; the trustworthiness of the world, and the people in it.  Attachment is a social science term for the process that takes place in close relationships, especially the initial caregiving relationship(s).  Before a baby is even born, she takes in meanings and messages from the environment in the form of sound, light, and the physiology of her mother's response to her environment.  After birth, more signals are received in rapid succession, from voice, eye contact, physical touch; at all sensory levels.  These signal might be compared to a computer program which establishes codes and translates data, within the parameters of that program.  Thus, attachment is the process by which the infant learns to function in the world, in preparation for eventual movement away from the caregiver, and into peer relationships.  It is an efficient model of learning from receptors that are wide open at the start, but eventually settle into patterns that define our expectations of ourselves in relationship to others.

The result of this process is that we enter later relationships with sets of expectations that may reflect upon each interaction, sometimes enhancing, at other times disrupting the flow of those experiences.  If a person or situation matches the early "program" for safety, we can participate effectively in that relationship.  If, however, the existing model included frequent failures in support, or examples of danger in relationships, it is likely that one's expectations will distort or block reception of signals about the other's intentions.  It can be confusing for all involved when an effort to connect is responded to with anger or anxiety.  Those are examples of times that the internalization of traumatic relationship elements influence one's ability to participate effectively in forming new, safer relationships.  These efforts become even more complex when both members of the newly formed dyad bring their own attachment "baggage" into the conversation.


Even less traumatic interactions, or those that take place in later relationships, despite effective early attachment models, have influence in later interpersonal interactions.  We carry a blueprint from early programs that filters what we see and how we experience others.  Sometimes being aware of the likelihood of those influences allows us to step back from our initial response to see more clearly the possibilities of new, perhaps healing, opportunities to connect.  At other times, the internalized models from significant attachments can be a comfort after that loved one is no longer available for direct contact.  


It makes sense that a gathering of those who share similar attachments to the same people would generate even more of the internal energies from those who loved, and were loved by the different members of the group.  (Or, depending upon the attachment model, negative energy might also be compounded by association.)


The birthday gathering I participated in over the past weekend is a great example of the whole of our sisterhood being greater than the sum a collection of individual family members.  There is great meaning in the joint energy of connectedness, and, for those of us fortunate in the safety of our relationships, comfort in the shared significance of family attachment.

Inside-Out

What do I mean by "Inside-Out"? It is a multi-leveled concept for me, including; the internal and external experience of trauma response, the mind/body connections in recovery; how the trauma survivor is viewed by the self vs. how they are seen by others; the influence of my own trauma history to the work I do; and probably a lot of other things that will show up along the way.  

I am a survivor of trauma, having had breast cancer fourteen years ago.  It was a full year of fear, loss and pain which changed me forever.  While it might sound trite, in retrospect it was the most extended, meaning-filled time I have ever experienced.  That was an inside-out time where the betrayal of my body (tho' I have to ask, "who betrayed who in the first place"?), turned into the unkind gifts of discovery and re-prioritizing that now allows me to speak with authenticity to those in need of my perspective.  

The shock of the diagnosis at 38 years old, with a young family depending on me, a brand new doctoral degree and an active psychotherapy practice, was profound.  It was another inside-out event for my aging parents and my sisters and brothers to have to come to this new possibility of loss, and restructuring of roles, from having their busy, organized and healthy daughter/sister suddenly in mortal danger.  

Other inside-out effects emerged around the people I thought would be there for me, who faded away, and those I barely knew who rose to the occasion to support and encourage me.  In my practice, clients surprised me by demonstrating strengths and reflecting growth in ways I'd never have know possible before that time.  It was then that I realized that I was one of them, a trauma victim, on her way out of a profoundly inside-out experience, and on a journey of uncertain recovery, and it was time to go inside...to find a way out.

Perspectives & Meanings in Trauma

What does it mean to be a survivor of trauma?  It is likely that most of us have experienced losses that shake our world, but only some (roughly 25%) end up with a trauma response strong enough to qualify for a diagnosis of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  There are many contributing factors to this situation; environment, personality, resources and physiology; to name a few of the elements that establish our point of view. In other words, who and where we are in our lives may make us more or less resilient when life throws harsh challenges our way.  Trauma is not a particular event, but a circumstance; a perception of extreme loss of control and impending doom.

Looking at PTSD in this way may help us to understand the mechanisms that block forward movement from such circumstances.  If I feel unprepared and unsupported in a situation that threatens me, I am more likely to freeze up or shut down.  The perspective that I have is one of being trapped in a place of terror.  Since our brains are made to categorize information and problem-solve solutions, this creates a glitch around unprocessed emotions.  If we compare brain functioning to a computer model, this circumstance might be viewed as a virus that causes the hardrive to keep retracing the same data in an effort to reach a solution.  Since there is none available, there is a great deal of energy put into reviewing the data, instead of attending to the next important project.  It is likely that the unprocessed data will further be introduced into current problem solving in disruptive and distorting ways.

If it were possible to change something about the trauma perspective, we might be in a position to move out of the stuck place.  Mindfulness based practices have been found to offer such options, changing perspectives through understanding their meaning differently.  We might be able to look back to those times when our resources were lacking, or information was distorted by a depressed parent or a frustrated teacher, for example.  From there we have an opportunity to direct compassion to our own childhood state, (and maybe to the impaired parent or teacher), and to offer a different perspective.  This new perspective takes place, not only within our emotional perspective, but also within the wiring of our brain.  These changes  can then be applied to create new meanings within the stuck place of trauma, and offer new meaning which allow the survivor to move into healing.